so i finally took the time to update my xanga. the colors and pictures. nothing really exciting honestly. but i'm digging the brown and baby blue color scheme from xanga, to my clothes. not to often can you mix colors earth tones with baby blues or pinks. but i do! AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? so i'm in a relaxed mood right now. yesterday i was so man at my boss. i told her a number of times i was going to be way over my hours but she still made me come in. then when i get there she tells me to go home. so it ruined my day. but i went to a naz church today for the first time in forever and was good for me. small little church, but its nice sometimes because you don't have alot of distractions. like hot girls or crazy friends. so i think i'll continue to go there. i'm not in  a detail kinda mood right now. just ready to get back to school and outta the real world for another bit of time. its amazing how school kinda trandsendes time...way wrong spellling...plus i'm watching the last of the mochicans and typing. mad skillz. anywho.  you can go to class at 11 tell 3 and if your lucky not have to work, and just be iwth people and do what your heart desires. so i share the same thoughts as my friend gio. if i ever win the lottery i will become a full time student. and never do any homework, just keep taking classes until i know the information to pass the test and never have to worry about being discriminated against by my boss. i was so pissed yesterday. i have noticed that i get in an antisocial mood the majority of the time. i also found out that people that i thought were my friends forgot to call me again. the details will come in at a later time. i'm just holding on right now. today's questions is. this might work out if people actually read my xanga. i think i lost some fans when i took my time off. oh well its good for the soul for me to do this. so until questions come from outside sources i'll keep answering my own questions. by the way questions about my life are open game too. no holds bar.  what would a the world be like if like snakes and rats, people would let their kids go on their own when they are only a few years old. making them fend for themselves, the came about watching tarzan. its hard for me to imagine people to let go of something so precious as a child. through abortion or adaption, or abandon. its wild how all those sad terrible words all start with a ab or ad. alliterations are might hard to come about nowadays.  welp things i need to do today but not going to happen. study for a test for this girl who is paying me to finish her class. get my car parts to fix my car. sweetttt huh. anywho. give me a call sometime. my number is 316-648-1665. holla at me when your driving on a trip somewhere even to someplace not very far. take it easy poeple and hope all is well. i'm hungry. peave akfdjalkjdsfd

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p.s all i want for christmas is gift cards for a book store, and money to spend on slushies, and random goodness that i have choose to not partake in while saving to get back into school/

Currently Listening Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix By Jimi Hendrix wind cries mary see related

do i dare post this late, when i'm kinda sleepy. shaking up the magic eight ball that i left in kansas....all signs point to yes. well. i just wrote bobbo mentioning how in a previous convo i had with him. in all my previous portals i mentioned him...and i haven't keep up with the pattern. so bobby here you go....remember that time when i called kayla a cunt to your face. i never really apologized to you. it was rude of me....i konw of all the things to say to you...i got you all worked up. ooooohhhhh its my time in the spot light. and i bring you down. sry man. i'm glad though you have a wonderful miss crystal in your life. NEXT. now i would like to being a segment called ask anything and i will answer. first of all this means that hopefully somebody will care enough to leave a question for me. and no its not a slick way of cheating some comments, more like the chappelle show ask mr. mooney. today's question for myself....what in the world is the big deal with deal or no deal? honestly, the deal is i say no deal.  i would pick the briefcases in numerical squence to totally through them off.....what! he is picking them in order....SHUT THE GAME OFF HE FIGURED OUT THE GAME. do you ever think there will be a time when the suitcases will be held by half naked dudes...totally non straight thing to say but. honestly, will there ever be a male vanna white. jobs like that could be a possible lawsuit. or even better will they ever have a bald lady host a totally random game show. welp on to what is going on in my life. yesterday i found out that my boss told another worker that i'm on my way out. ARE YOU SERIOUS! i'm one of the most respected people in the men's department. how is that justified? it happened one day when i was coming back from the bathroom and was chatting to jeremy and she was going up the escalator...which by the way i have witnessed at least 4 people who are afraid of these....death traps??!?!?!?  but she yells at me about 30 yards way from me. then i respect her and walk back to the mens dept. and she rides down the elevator to yell at me some more. well what happened was she grabbed one of the guys who works on the dock to go down with her, and me and him talk alot. well she told him i was on my way out.  which made me sick. but i have been trying to get some thing working though to advance outta the dillards picture. happens that i met a recuiter for cia. and they need a new james bond. but i will see, i need to check out their salary before i commit. no but a recuiter for the nashvillle area. and she will keep an ear open for me. but i almost met a janitor business owner, so i can get a job at nights. whatever i just need to make sure i have a steady income. so i was bummed about that. on the other hand god has blessed me with good sales since the holiday season. like today for example. i got in at 12, went to lunch at 3 and already have 859 or so i sales. thats balling outta control. and it has been like that for awhile now...i mean this week. so she can't can me because my sales are the upper part of the mens dept. what else....well my car is going to get checked up by my brother and i tomorrow. my sister is leaving for florida next week and she blessed me with allowing me to use her nice car. ty amanda if you ever read this. but that should hold me over for a week.  what else...oh my uncle hugo is in town for a few weeks. he is a lt. kernal of the airforce or branch of military. who has a dream of having a vinyard in chile all horse produced. which is a pretty sweet idea. i have talked to him about getting involved in it. he told me to just get outta school and then get a nice job and start dreaming. i really don't know where or what i want to go to school for. so i'm leaning on going to a christian school so i can boost my bible education, along with having a descent atmosphere to produce relationships that will last awhile. speaking of producing...word on the street is that by next year there will be two new contraceptives on the market.

  a. a spray on condom.

 b. a birth control pill for males.

if i had to choose i would pick b. it is a coin flip between having hot rubber flying outta a can on my no-no area. or popping a pill. but the nice thing about the spray on condom would be it would make a pretty sweet wet suit for scuba diving, or work to patch holes in various things that need patching, what else could i use that for. oh the best would be to switch it for somebody's axe bottle so when they spray their pits. what else.  oh back to b. i think b is a bad choice also. well i'm not sexually active nor plan to be, but if you can let it loose with no consequences. people are going to do that, leaving the condom in the 75 cent machine in the men's bathroom.  oh don't worry baby i took my pill today. you wonder with these drugs how long they have tested them with birth defects. which is why fly hot rubber seems to be a better choice. so a it is as much as i hate to even think about it.  where the heck do i go on from here...what a wierd way to come up with a segway...so there are these two black girls that i work with. and they really haven't paid me no mind, and i chit chat, but nothing really serious. until today there were sitting on the couch that i take my lunch breaks on. and i ask to sit in the middle. so they let me, and they were tlaking about how they had their thug days, and one still is attracted to thugs. and i was cracking up because i wasn't say much just reading my metropolitan home and archeticutal digest mags. to interupt them...you want to hear my ideal girl. i don't care about the skin , but the hottest girl i my eyes is green eye and brunette hair....with a pause and thats sexy....and for some reason. then came up if i have dated outta my race. well i'm chilean so i have dated white girls and mexicans. but never a blonde. or a black girl. its not that i wouldn't but just never really had the options. later i was dwelling on that question they possed to me...the verdict was taht black guys date a variety of woman, and black women often do too. but to see a white guy with a black lady is not very common. which i noticed because the other day my friend brittany who i work with and love to mess with. came to kroger with me. well i saw people assume we were together, and to plenty of faces and glares. which is so sad to me. the world of stereotypes. its hard to break your own habits, because all the time we judge on the outside. when what matters is the inside. its kinda like the whole jesus debate with the jews and christians. the jews wanted a "outside, worldly jesus" while the truth is god was an "inside,faith based jesus" sometimes when those thoughts of...oh what is that he is wearing or he can't afford that. i really do the opposite. because i realize that my original nature is sin. and that those thoughts aren't of god, which means it comes from below.  anybody else? sweet. now though those girls are different towards me...can't explain it. girls. they are all different like all guys are different but i can read them some what. like when they know they are abusing their power to get something extra the head cock movement is used. or the push the top lip out. i hope to think they aren't thinking...oh i know this will work on this sap. i hope it is....man i really would like him to do this but i feel bad. i'm guessing they just use and abuse me. such a sucker sometimes for the ladies....yet i can't get a girlfriend. guess its beacuse i don't try and chase girls. never ask for numbers, infact it doesn't even cross my mind. which perplexes miss carla the lady who is going to let me use her car.  i told her how this girl came back to back days from across town to see me, and it didn't even cross my mind to take it to the next step. i'm not a womanizer, i want a down to earth girl that respects herself. one that is thinking , where is that nice guy who  will give me the world without being of the world. its going to take a special lady to love me is my conclusion.

Currently Listening Phantom Planet By Phantom Planet lonely day, california, the all rock see related

~o

welp i guess the super long portals aren't getting any attention...oh well. wanna know a wierd fact. may last blog before my long vacation was on nov. 30-04. then on my comback it happened to be on nov. 30-06. exactly two years. to the day. i wonder why god does things like that sometimes. its good though to get these randomnessis outta the brain, onto the canvas. guess that comes from the fact that i'm an only child with things going on in my head that i can't even explain or want to for that fact. but you think at times your all alone in your thoughts, but go to find out people everywhere have wild random thoughts, and the more random and wild the personality you have. thats my way of justifying this madness. i really don't even talk about my day to much on my portals, which is why i think people enjoy the reading portals. so here it goes. jeremy, is a big ole' army national guard guy. 6-3 250 solid. bald black guy. for some reason we click. he tells me things nobody else knows for some reason i'm that guy. maybe the token friend that everybody wishes they had . i mean i would do anything for a person. you wonder how many people in your life would be/do something like that. or how people you have done things like that for. i think in my life there has been a good balance of both. and glad to say most of the people i met have that connection with me. like this lady at work, she is 40ish. buys my clothes for me and get my the discount that i should get without having to open a creditcard. but i have talked to her about selling me her car. but she owes more then its worth, but is fleeing from the loan company and said if i want to pay for the insurance she would let me drive it. the second loaned car of the year, i mean. god has at least three angels working overtime on me. hopefully they can keep my stomach from getting sick from the broiled shimp i just made. tasty by the way. when i say just made it actually means my dad seasoned, then i cooked for me and my brother. i just noticed that i was off track again. buts its how i get you the information to konw what i'm talking about. any who. so i got up to run with jeremy, around 5-45 am. well he ends up txtin me saying he was been up all night because his girls place caught on fire....made me wonder but it wasn't as bad as you think. anywho its been 3 days since i ran. and last time i ran it was around 50 minutes of up and down hills. almost ralphed. i was so sore. i need to get to a point where its like my xanga habit. its so hard to stick to a set schedule. everyday get up at 6 run. shower eat. work go home, eat. xanga, all this time i put into my life, and i can't find the time to break open the word. sometimes my priorities are upside down, hopefully god can turn me over like a sand timer. well he didn't show up so i went back to sleep. woke up late, so i didn't get to wear the clothes i wanted to work.  i know big deal, but when you work at a dept. store you have to look sorda good. good thing i cut my hair though. for real! i don't look the same as the hairy days. its odd having middle aged married ladies coming at ya. just trying to sell some clothes here. i really would like to transfer to the ladies dept. because i think i would have more luck trying to find somebody.  sometimes you wonder how long or when or how or why that special someone is going to enter your life. or if they did any you let them slip away....thinking of a friend of mine who lost a beloved lady friend. for reasons that i think were outta his control which is sad. but i hope i don't come across a situation like that. where i have something extravagent, and magical. and let the devil spin it outta control. other times you wonder if the alone time is what your needing at the current stage of your life. but man, its just the nature of man to have that magnetic connection to a lady. and the forces inside create special bonds. my oh my this isn't going anywhere quickly. basically  you just have to scratch your head sometimes, to ponder what path of life your being led down. SERIOUSLY I CAN'T KEEP ON TRACK WITH JUST TELLING THE XANGANITES WHAT I DID TODAY. I GET INTO SOME DEEP PHILO. OR PSY. IN MY HEAD AND NEVER GET TO THE DESITNATION. well i met this guy yesterday an old bald guy. who was telling me how he is finally doing it. "what going down a waist size" yep. he went from a 44 to a 34. in a year or two. running ten miles a day and hitting the gym 10 times a week. hardcore. but if some retired guy can do it my 23 yr. old butt can do it. so that was inspiring. its hard to have to be at a constant battle with the food you eat and excercise levels. finally in my 23 year of life i have realized my weakness and strengths to know what i need to do. its amazing, i remember pastor mark talking about the year of accountablity. and i really truly think i still have a bit of time left before i truly think of everysingle action and the consequences. and maintaining achieving goals. i set them but never come through. i get sidetrack like a madman. my uncle hugo is coming from miami for two weeks before he goes to afganistanimation. he is some hi up offical in the army. he got back from iraq not to long ago. so i had to deep clean the house. fantastic i know.  for some reason that my duty...oh yeah becuase i dont have to make a mortage payment or rent. the thing that gets me is that my dad sometimes acts like i'm his personal servant. just leaves things in the sink for days unless i do something about it. but normally the house is close to spotless. its tough to maintain a house. with laundry and vacuum and washing toilets down. yeah i'm the toilet man. like in the ringer. bare hand plumber. ha i cracked up when i saw that part. man i'm dragging today. xanga goodnight sleep tight.

p.s. i'm going to hunt you down people who look but don't leave a message. i just found this footprints feature. and i have somebody in oregon checking me out. along with other things that kinda make me scratch the head.

my latest portal

 So i just noticed this little note from the lovely people at xanga.

Hi guedo! It's been 795 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium

thats over two years man al mighty. i figure i need to do this more often so that i will become habit, then move slowly towards something that is necessary to survive like peein. the move to a lifeline i.v.  that will also prevent from wild epics that cause people to lose interest. as long as sam jack reads them its all worth it though. so with my such backwards way of money management...this just came to mind. with my car k.o'd for the time being. its not tko'd yet. but i was like...well i'm not spending 300+ bucks to head to kansas so i might as well buy some clothes i have been hiding in dillards so i don't look so skanky wearing the same old black ply. suit pants. instead of man, i need to fix my car. sometimes i just need one of those toy extendy hands with a boxing glove to come out of nowhere and smack the crap outta me. life woudn't be so bad if every decsion we shouldn't have mad had immediate consequences. but you really don't learn to many lessons that way. just to dodge like ali. but i feel better with more options for the suit and tie wardrobe at work. speaking of work, god just blessed me with the information i need to make my sales per hour. so check this out. every person that shops at dillards with a c.c. or enters their phone number under the salesperson has their information entered into the "dillards data system". and if they don't enter all their information, or other loopholes they are loose ends in the system. one of the co-workers was talking to me about a conference he went to and told me that if you have that customer under your name, and they are checked out by somebody else you still get the sale. so i can go in the system and catch all the loose ends. which makes me happy because i see people all the time come in and should check out with me becaues i have helped them before but not the seond time. this way i can hold on to their cash money baby. so even though i know i'm worth more then dillards i'm just buying my time until i hit the college circuit again. because holding a job for longer then my average of hte past few years of ......3-5 months boosts the ole resume. so i'm going to work on getting that computer system down pat. what other conclusions have i come up with since working at dillards. oh its wild how middle aged woman are sucked in by a young man helping them out. p.s. i think getting the ole hair trimmed so you can see my eyes and ears helped out a bit also. so i'm working the system now because all the ladies are now in the dept. getting gifts, and my sales have been outta control, for the amount of people in the store. sometimes i'm such a jerk in my pranks. 1. this guy in the ladies shoe department was walking back into the store room.....this might not even be considered a prank...just being an asshole. now that i think about it. but its what i do sometimes to keep people on their toes/ i'm still a little kid. he was trying to be a billy badass and carry two shoe boxes in each hands, and was chatting with him as he went by. and kinda nudged one box off balance and sent everything all over is i say..."yard sale" 2. then there is the lovely christian black lady who i love to death. such a sweet heart and we have deep convos alot. well there are some robes with hoods on them. so i was messing around with this hoodedrobe and walking around like a monk hitting a gong. and my buddy les...aka. leslie...yess folks that his real name. he is a retired hr director. great guy he said he would adopt me if he could. he is such a lively out going person, with a brilliant vibrant personality that makes people glow. amazing. well he called miss jackie...its the south its gettting to me. p.s. i'm addicted to sweet tea. mcdonalds acuatlly sells sweet tea in a 32 oz cup for a buck. anywho he keeps trying to get her over across the whole department store so i can jumpout from behind the bunker. she is always seeing me doing my pranks and telling me how wrong i am, how i won't get her and if i do trouble is coming my way. well he finally convinces her to get into scare range. boy howdy did she jump outta her body. she told me later that i'm the only person that could get away with doing things like that to people. guess they know they love me deep down. for some reason people let me get away with being a kid all the time. its because that darn boxing glove doens't ever catch me.  why is my music only coming outta one ear. grr.why do i even have headphones on. i'm in the zone baby.  thats my focus face. another thing why does that justin timberlake song have such  an addicting beat. why are tacos so easy to make. i tell you what i feel like an idoit ever paying for a taco in my life. you can buy an old el paso taco kit for pennies...mexican pennies at that. i wish i had the connector for the camera i'd show the old el paso tie i'm wearing currently. in time that pic will come up. bets the heck outta a tree with snow gazzing into the beaming sun pic! i'll put money on it. if this picture was a bull rider he would have stayed on for 8 seconds...not make that 10. back to this taco thing. now you can never replace the taco bell quesadilla cheesey sauce. but. never again will a taco be bought in my presence. i will smash anybodys taco i see. in the great taco boycott of 2006. man almighty is this month for taco smashing going to land me in jail. at this point i'm really wondering if anybody is going to continue to finish reading this blog. screw calling this a blog...its such a sluggish word if that is possible. from now on these ex-blogs shall be referred to as "the entry formerly knewn as blog" © that statement. or instead of having to type out the entry formely know as blog you can just use this ~o a.k.a the massive head  snake.  or you can call it the portal. so hey dude. did you portal today. because a portal =  why can't i c&p the definition of portal. its a door, gate, or entance into the daily life of the guedo. by the way if a person named traci reads this i just got a popup for a netflix account and about openned it. you have t-minus 1 week. or else i'll do nothing and wait another. man why in the world am i typing in plain old normal font with no color or size. i guess i just get  in my portal and can't get sucked outta it. portal, kinda digging that. got a mystical magical way of coming off the tongue. oh back to this taco thing, remember when Shaq was doing commercials for taco bell for the double decker taco. yeah baby, thats what i have been pounding the past two nights. the directions for this wonderful treat are easy enough for a 3 year old but delicous enough to land me my own food network show. which should be replacing that cocky molten mario anyday now. i mean come on. i need to get my own food network show. that and a animated voice might be the easiest things on earth to do. you don't have to cook to have your own show. just need to hire a staff to do it all. wouldn 't that be funny if that was god's way of getting back at martha stewart. miss i can do it all really can't and she has been faking it this whole time. just knew the right people so god was like. you sista, your a poser. have fun in prison. maybe betty crocker was the same. maybe should i even dare say chef boyardee was a fake????? i will piss my pants if i find out that chef boyardee used the same recipe for raviolli as what is in those 76 cent cans.  its like the concept that george washington carver invent peanut butter...lies.. i did a report in my freshman year @ ku just to spite this black power black girl who wrote on my feeback section on my how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that "well actually george washington carver invented peanut butter" i was so over the top,.everybody love it. i even made little notes that said peanut butter was not invented by george washington carver to place on your fridge or mirror so everyday you will remember that note.  its wild how such a small world places could be. because about 5 years later, i met a guy in that class at a buddies house. and he still remembered me, and said that class was his favorite class of his entire college career. which also bring me back to the small world comment, because the t.a. for that class happened to be the older sister of a set of twins that i was good friends with in high school. summer titus. was her name, sister to starla and jasmine. i think a rather fun career would be to produce books like donald miller, a chrisitan writing about random events in his life. teri showalter informed me that i need to write a book. shes not the only one, but name it how to survive with the guedo or something like that. its too bad lots of times in our live have been lost due to lack of written accounts. now things are on youtube and myspace, which isn't to hi in my list of happy things. xanga and myspace can be compared to the old mac vs. pc debate. nobody has ever hacked my xanga posting about finding the girls of your dreams. or had problems with updates, or crashing. its easy, user friendly. but as i learned in mister...well doctor macks class. that back in the day memory was everything. from songs to stories. were all 100% accurate becuase the mind was all they had for a resource. but as technology has grown from paper to video camera, to the internet. you don't have to remember much beacuse the resource to find the answer is at your fingertips. reason number 131231231 in need to portal on a daily basis. i think you might be able to mix and match portal with other words. like would you lift the seat with your portal. DUDE WOULDN'T IT BE great if i could just talk and not have to type out my portals. why can't a little blue tooth earset be the entire phone? with all verbal commands. i mean if will ferrel playing elton john can have a mini phone on snl why can't i.  why is my mind a rambling on like led zepplin. on portal leads to another. this could go on as long as my fingers will go. i wonder if a goal of mine should be to beat the previous days ~o. or "the entry formally know as blog", or portal. until i reach the longest portal in the guiness book of world record. on the radio the other day the lady was tlaking about how she read that some guy was trying to get in the book for the longest arm hair. and now how proud he was of that if he brought that up to a chick he would be turned down immediately. i also saw a youtube for the biggest zit ever. oh my . it was nasty...i'm going to track it down as we speak.type/portal

<a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1301378759">BIG ZIT!</a><br><embed src="http://lads.myspace.com/videos/vplayer.swf" flashvars="m=1301378759&type=video" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="430" height="346"></embed><br><a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.addToProfileConfirm&videoid=1301378759&title=BIG ZIT!">Add to My Profile</a> | <a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.home"> More Videos</a>

pretty wild. this wasn't the one i was talking about. and who konws if it will work. but man. whoa.

myspace had 68 zit videos and youtube had 619. what has the world come too. pimple had 332

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0TTQihnc37M"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0TTQihnc37M" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

funny

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and finally its an amazing 1 oclock and reason number 123123123 why i should be given my own show if these asians dudes can. p.s. what the heck kinda toilet is that ???

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GUESSS who is bizzzack????? no its not andrew. this is his brother. i taped into his xanga. just messing. its me the beloved guedo. after a two year distant relationship with xanga, i came crawling back. i have been reading subscriptions though. so i feel rather guilty for abusing the system, so its my time to post to the wonderful interweb. who konws if this will be one of the many epics of my time. but alot has been on my mind lately, when i say alot, i mean things well whatever. i hope i haven't lost the old flava of xanga. its a combo of taco seasoning and strawberry cheesecake.....oh where to begin. first of all i had to change the tv from friends...brothers choice! don't you dare try and second guess me. to detroit vs. miami baby. but currently my life has led me to the wonderful world of tennessee. well that might be a lie. i have learned alot in the past few months about those deep psychological things about myself that you just sit back and can hope to improve, and other things that i'm just glad i was taught at an early age. WARNING WE MIGHT BE DIGGIING DEEP HERE, SO DEEP THE MONGOLIANS FEET MIGHT BE TICKLED. its amazing how the world can change so much for me in such small a small distance...translation. you can go 8 hours in a car and encounter a lifestyle you never knew existed...let alone going to your neighbors' house and come across a whole new network of people. the differences i have noticed are the difference between small town kansas life of the people that are real, people i konw that even though i haven't seen them in ages. they are my friends for life! like chuck w. or drew w. people i haven't seen for ages but because of halo domination/ naz. church events can still pick up where things left off. i don't have that same connection with the people i have met out here without some exceptions. but the majority of the people here are posers. its all about the clothes the car, living the fast life. not worring about consequences of actions. example- i have met over 8 people have have openly told me they have cheated on their spouse...scratching the head. with a shake or two. somehow someway the passion of the marriage comment has been lost. which i hope never happens in my life. but what else. oh this is what gets me, people who mistake my kindness for weakness. abusing my willingness to help them just for their own personal gain. 1. i met this guy at dillards. and would call him when clothes would get marked down, and we soon started talking. and he told me about what he does, and that he could get me a job out at a walmart distribution plant. making 800 bucks on a third shift on the weekend. so he would come in tell me that he would take me down there on a tuesday. nothing ever happened. then oh i was busy lets do it this day, then that day. then i just went there with my brother (long story short- ex stepbrother who i consider my brother because he would do anything for me and vis versa. i was a nanny for his daughter last year when i didn't have a job just to help him save money, and now he gave me his old car so i could get a job. you understand. ) but then he was like, i can get you in no problem. they should call you soon. never got a call. then he brought in a ymca cleaning contract telling me that he could get me a parttime job cleaning. along with the walmart job. nothing happened. soon he tells me about this other job we could get cleaning a ymca making big bucks. and that we should go out there sometime. what do you know he stiffs me again. so i just gave up on him, but WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THE TIME TO DRAG ME ALONG ON THIS DEADEND ADVENTURE. guess it was god's way of showing me not to believe everthing that comes my way. this was also coming around the time i was getting deep into my bible in person morning time. which has helped my grow tremendously. about this time i started matt. and reading about the battle between serving god and money. and with a business mind like myself, i just need some start up money and start investing in projects....but come to find out thats not what god has instore for my life. its wild how it seems how well, at least a large portion of the world is in the game of pleasing themselves by making massive amounts of money that does nothing but lessen their chance of getting into heaven and hurting the people that are already hurting. i mean currently/ haven't been in a financial state to give lots of money to help others. but i find myself doing little things that bring smiles. but it boggles my mind how you can have a 7 figure bank account and walk by a homeless person not willing to help them. BECAUSE I EARNED THIS MONEY. I HAVE WORKED MY ASS OFF TO MAKE IT WHERE I AM IN MY LIFE TODAY. don't get me wrong, might have worked hard. but your just judging people based on where life has taken them. the bible states that in numerous ways...don't judge people because how you judge them will be the way you shall be judged. or even to the golden rule. treat others the way you want to be treated. i'll come back to this one. but think about it, a vast majority of homeless people are veterens, like lt. dan. come on forrest gump. they are the people that need a change in their life. how you would you like to be approached if you were homeless. thats how you have to go about those situations.  by the way....side note. everybody is always telling me i need to make a spiritual journal so i did. and i will post those  sometime. but i'm thinking god has a place for me in the field of ministry. because i was expecting to write well today i woke up and ate breakfast, this is what god showed me. when in fact it turned out to be a full blown sermon. one that i can't really ignore. they all seem to have the same theme too of giving up your "way of life" / i'm starting to call it. the american christian belief. read a TIME mag. article about it....how all these mega churches are preaching how god wants you to be rich yadda yadda...are you openning up your own bible and double checking what your being feed. because i'm no scholor. i don't even think i spelled it right. but i can anaylze what i read and double checked it with my life to see what is going on. which is what i think jesus did in the gap left in the bible about his life. just sitting back observing human nature. its amazing. whole crap where was i. my tangents get lost in the tangled web of my mind. i'm really excited because at this point i'm only expecting sam to still be reading this. maybe a few more. but i'm eager to get your feedback on my journal entries. back to this rich point. AT THIS POINT I DON'T CARE IF SOMEBODY TAKES THIS IDEA. NOT MANY COULD DO IT. I THINK I COULD THOUGH. START AN THINKING EMPIRE..BUT JUST A WALMART ESK BUSINESS THAT HAS A MODEL AND MISSION FOR GIVING THE MONEY EARNED BACK TO THE COMMUNITY. AND TO THE WORKERS THAT SLAVE AWAY. NOT TO THE HIGH UP EXEC. WHO DO NOTHING BUT WELLL.....CHUNCKY SOUP EXTRA CHUNCKY SUPER BEEFY HAD A GOOD YEAR IN ALABAMA LAST YEAR WE SHOULD UP THEIR SHIPMENTS. who cares! the people that deserve the money are the people who have day to day contact with the customers, and the customers themselves. boy howdy am i on a high horse, but some of these things i feel could change the world. which is the career path i want to persue. not somehting that makes big bucks or something that is fun. i just want to make a change in my life, others and people i will never know. that is what i want to do. but it makes me sick how all thing money and things we do just goes to some rich dudes who take trips to the hamptons and just stash the cash. instead of putting doing what needs to be done and put the money back into the community, to outside the usa. what...help other countries....make lives better for them??? who would have thought. it amazes me the racial tentions that i find out here. people pissed off at immigrants, and i know my fair share. if life was good where they came from they wouldn't come to the u.s they would stay home. with the reasoning why people aren't leaving the u.s.a because things are going good here. well on the surface they are. man i hope this isn't too deep, it kinda lacks the old golden days of laughing and joking blogs. hopefully i can fit some of that in later. but for now i'm sticking to this. being rich.  two things from the bible. the parable of the rich man. jesus says its easier for a camel to be threaded through an i of a needle then for a rich man to get into heaven. HELLO. i can't even put my shoelace in the eye of a needle let alone a camal. because its impossible. when you break it down, why might it be impossible for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. because your not caring around the heart of jesus with you man. jesus was about helping anybody and everybody. aka. the parable of the wedding feast.......the people invited refused 3 times. so he told his servents to go to the streets where they gathered good and bad to come. he is going after the people who are turned away from society. the people who are hurting. not to say other don't hurt. but the streets are where you find people who are in a place society condemns. they need something solid as the ground of jesus. 2. granted like i said i'm no scholor but i can anaylze what is in front of my eyes. and what stood out to me was in matt. when the rich man asked jesus a caring heartfelt question. not one that was trying to stump him trying to prove he wasn't the messiah. but he was eager to learn the answer so he could improve his life, grow as a person. the rich man had a good heart. the thing that gets me is that jesus gave he a straight up black and white answer. unlike the other riddles of life that make you dig to get to the bottom of the/ core of the premise. but he gave him the key to the lock. in plain language. you have to give it up and follow jesus. but he couldn't . just like its hard for me. a person with not much at all. but the thought is growing day by day. that its not about the cash and the cars, but just following jesus. and the rest will work out itself. a thought tough to grasp in the age of...i need job security, my will my 401 pension plan match 1 for 1.  i think because of my history within my family i can embrace this, and see what that means. granted i haven't done it yet, but i have seen what that means. from my old pictures of my grandparents living in soil floor houses in africa. to visiting my aunt and uncle in bolivia having to pump water outta a well everyday. thats what giving it up and following jesus is about. can you even contemplate what would happen if christians around the world could give up the concept of...man i'm searching for term and drawing a blank....but the old saying....well from outkast. get up and get out. the american dream, of owning your own business that turns into a multi billion dollar industry. this comes back to a spot i left a mark earlier about the golden rule. i met this guy jeremy. this huge black guy in the army national guard. its funny because he is like 6-3 250 solid and i'm all short and chunky. but the past two weeks we ahve been working out together...picture us running down the street.  opposites. but yet we are good friends, and for some reason. and this happens to me all the time. people just open up to me, and tell me about financial situations and other aspects of life you dont' just jump into with others. yet he does with me. but he has the military mind set that the golden rule is. the people with the gold make the rules. where i come from the understanding that the golden rule is do unto others as you want to be done to you. which is why the military wouldn't be for me. how do you want to be approached.....with a gun in your face or a smiling face wanting to learn and eat your ethnic food. welp let me think. i understand how the radical muslims can think....but the question that comes to my mind is....how many americans do you think they have met? americans like you and me. ones that are kinda fun loving people who just want to chill.  and could you and i change the way they think by showing how we care for them. instead i the americans they met are the ones....stories from a buddy who was in the navy. about people serving 18 month sentences for just unloading a tank mounted gun into a crowd. or the two soldiers who raped and killed a 14 year old because. "we fucking hate iraqies" giving high fives to people in the court room. HOORAH. i mean come its amazing what happens to people when they get on a power trip. dictators to the cops that unload  50 shells into a car with a man getting married!  i hope this isn't depressing but its what been on my mind lately. its hard to think of what you can do either. i mean i'm just trying to figure out how i'm going to make it to work next week because my car broke down. luckly god blessed me with two co-workers living close to me. two workers that respect me. but man! i was so so pumped because i was going to try and surprise the rock last night and show up.i had a 5 day vacation set up with work, i had to go around and negotiate with people to get a schedule that would work for me to get home for the holidays...1 out of ever 1 person i asked...why don't you just click your heals and go back to kansas! if i could i would. i miss the lifers of friends i have. almost about to shed one. man i was going to the rock and see  joel and his second baby and new house. cale and his new house, visit my gpa's and do some other visiting....visiting that has been needed to be done a long long time ago. i had a feeling though. so i got on the highway two days before. and was like...god if you don't want me to go something need to happen to my ride. what do you konw it over heats. so i'm carless...just like the other....um3-4 years of my 7 years of driving eligibility. i can roll with the punches though. i know something is going to happen. what i can bet its something i could never imagine. ha. man  i am still thinking about the rich christian idea. i met this guy Prentice. lovely black man who works parttime and dillards. he invited me to his church when i told me my dad did prison ministy. so i go to this place called the temple of god. something like that.  so i go and eat breakfast in the gym. then walk into the santuary. so...guess who was the only long curly haired white young male....oh me.  so what else  happened. oh a middle aged black lady wanted to go down the aisle....and i had my hands on top of each other by my belt and leaned back to let her by....what do you know..I TOTALLY GRAZED HER BUTT.not like a cow in a fresh field but i was like...oh my. i can't believe that happened. so don't lean back and have your hands on top of each other....man what was i thinking. then the church wanted the visitors to stand. so i did. and i didn't realize that they wanted us to remain standing to recieve a visitor card. so i sat down when i felt uncomfortable. only to get nudged by prentices daughter- stand up your not done. so i shot up like i knew the answer to the million dollar question.  interesting experience i tell you what. on the sermon notes on the projector.....subnotes like...GO TITANS, GO TSU. with random footballs on the sides. i just cracked up. what else. oh so i grabbed the communion cup and drank it only to realize it was wine. man what a shock that was. 23 years of welchs, my taste buds were expecting grapes. ha. oh dillards. i have the uncanny ability to find and prank my co-workers. one day i was no more then 15 feet from Prentice who sells fragrence in the middle of the mens dept. and i was at a register close by in plane sit. i would look around all calm like and pick up the phone and dial his extension. he would pick up and i would hangup. this went on for about 5 times. then the next time he told the other girl to answer it. what do you know it was somebody on the other line, not me. then it rang again. i told him to answer it. NAH MAN. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THAT PHONE. what do you know it was for him.  THEN I CALLED HIM AGAIN, AND HUNG UP...HEHEHE  "man i'm calling up stairs something is wrong with this phone. i have got so many calls with nobody on the other end. they must be sending the wrong extension." venting somehting thats doesn't come out of prentice much...so i called him and told him i owned him. ! ha. i sneak up on people and scare them. crack jokes.  not to shabby of times. man almighty what an epic blog this has been. i hope to not be so distant in xangaland. i still haven't talked about my colorado trip or my price is right story. that was in my myspace blogs. which i can c&p if i get a request. but i hope all is well. and can house any visitors if somebody wants to come visit me.......this isn't an invitation..but a demand! buhbye take it easy. hope all is well.